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19 April 2014 @ 01:08 am
Remember those days when you wrote what you wanted, with no care for grammar or sentence structure, no worry about how someone would interpret what you penned? Remember those ten years you kept the same damn blog? Where you wrote whatever you fancied, posted surveys and quiz results, and had no regard for what anyone thought of it? Remember purging your anxious mind of the thoughts and feelings that consumed it?
Remember expressing yourself with song lyrics?

"There's no yellow bricks to follow back and run from that disaster
Familiar sins come crashing in
And sever forever and after
My old friend its time I leave you here
For once for all in frozen alabaster
Believe me

There's no place like home
There's no place like home

A shallow grave
Where I can keep it safe
For hideaway, for just in case I need it
My old friend
It's time to say goodbye again
No need to tell me where you've been
I feel it

Shallow graves for shallow hearts,
For pick-me-ups and fall-a-parts,
For promises that never started right

Carolina, Carolina
Tell me how am I gonna get down from here
You only ever just disappear
But I can't letchya go

Carolina, Carolina
Tell me am I getting the ending right
I know I started it wrong, but I,
I think that it's as easy as 1, 2, 3,
Do you see what I do?
Truth or dare
Yes, I double dare you
You, you, me now I think you got it right

There's no place like home (x5)

Oh, another day on the assembly line
Everybody better march in time
Cause the factory don't care why
You been sayin' coulda, shoulda, woulda (x3)

(Toy soldiers will you follow)

Face the music when it's dire

This is true love, ever after
This is true love, ever after
True love ever after
This is true love ever after
This is true love
Ever after

Once upon a time
This place was beautiful and mine
But now it's just a bottom line

Oh, yeah

Follow bricks
And happily
Ever after we
Lived, The End."

~Marianas Trench
Feeling: nostalgicnostalgic
Hearing: no place like home-marianas trench
01 November 2013 @ 04:39 pm

"Hey, guess what tomorrow is?"
"What else?"
"November 2nd."
"Getting warmer, what else?"
"Try again, and if you don't get it, then you're a horrible stepmother."
"What the hell are you---OH HOLY CRAP I AM A HORRIBLE STEPMOTHER!!!!!!"

03 May 2013 @ 04:21 pm

Oh hey, a livejournal app on my phone. Which is unnecessary given the fact that typing on phone is less than satisfactory. However, there are often funny moments in life that I consider tweeting but don't have enough characters for. So i'm thinking I will post such things here, since I'm clearly not using it for anything else.
And now the typing is annoying. So I bid adieu.

Because I have this blog that I try to keep professional-ish, I don't do the stupid things I used to do in this blog, like surveys and song lists and all. but just because i'm older and wiser and a better writer now doesn't mean i cant still do that crap. so here's some classic birdybannon.

i'm listening to dashboard confessionals a mark, a mission etc. and realizing i haven't listened to it since about the time i started dating mark. in 2003.
so here are some select lyrics from it that are ringing clear at the moment...

"My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy."
-hands down

"I am fairly agile
I can bend and not break
Or I can break and take it with a smile
And I am so resilient
I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine."
-bend and not break

"And I said "I've gotta be honest
I've been waiting for you all my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane,
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side."
-as lovers go

And here's a quiz:

Tell the truth! ***PURE RANDOMNESS***
Created by ehxsnohs and taken 77 times on Bzoink
How old are you?: 28
Name that is on your birth certificate?: brigid
What does everyone call you?: brig, b
What is the last thing you bought for yourself?: a 11 doller hairbrush :/
How many people have you slept with this week?: 1
Target, Wal-Mart or Kmart?: kmart.
Ever had plastic surgery?: nope
Do you want kids?: yup
Do you want to get married?: yes
Four words to explain why you last threw up?: have highly sensitive stomach
When did your last relationship end?: ha. hahahahaha. even when i ended it, i didnt end it.
Gotten So Drunk you Couldnt Remember WTF you Did?: not as of late
Been Called a Bitch?: sure
How many piercings do you have?: just ears
Gotten a tattoo?: not yet
Have you ever smoked? If so what?: yes. a couple things.
What is the single largest item in your house?: piano
Have you ever been under anesthesia?: yeah for my wisdom teeth
Do you work out at the gym on a regular basis?: my mother wants us to start going to the gym. she seems to think she'll do fine on an elliptical for an hour. i beg to differ.
If you were given $1k to spend on ONE thing, what would it be?: apartment. or fixin up the car.
What do you spend most of your money on?: gas bills and food.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?: nope
How many pets do you own?: none
How old will you be turning on your next birthday?: 29.
What type of Shampoo do you use?: why were these interesting 5 years ago?
Have you ever had stitches?: nope
Could you ever forgive a cheater?: i did.
Do you have an iPod or MP3 player?: i do but it dosent work
How many songs are on it?: like 300
What is your birth control method of choice?: personal, thank you very much.
Last reason you went to the ER?: mom was sick
When was the last time you shaved your legs?: hahaha last friday
What are your top five favorite stores to clothes shop?: old navy, cw price, new york and company, thrift stores. thats it. and really, its just cw price and old navy. and really really, its just old navy.
Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend?: they love him.
What color are your pillows?: green and blue
What if an ex asked to be back in your life?: already let him in.
If you're on a laptop, how much charge does it have left?: i have a desktop.
What would you do if you found out you were pregnant?: freak the fuck out. but then probably be ok with it.
Favorite thing to get at McDonalds?: shamrock shake
If you could adopt 3 unique pets, what would you get?: spider monkey, pygmy hippo, teacup pig
Where did you buy the shirt your wearing?: old navy. everything im wearing is from old navy.
Have you ever smoked pot?: yup
Do you use Hair tools such as, Curling Iron, Straightner, etc: on occasion if im trying to look nice
Favorite acholic drink?: midouri sour
Closest breathing thing near you?: father.
What do you smell like?: day care.
Was your first kiss with your true love amazing?: it actually kind of was.
Don't you just love DVR?: i do. or rather, i would if i had it.
Is your room clean?: nope.
Do you tweeze or wax your eyebrows?: tweeze like its my job.
What did you dress up for last Halloween?: oct 31st.
Who do you subscribe to on YouTube?: i havnet been on youtube in months. i have a job now.
t: i hate when people did this at the end of the questions...
h: ...what, you couldnt come up with 8 more questions?
e: what am i supposed to write here?
e: why is it letter by letter? you could have had one blank "the end"
n: instead i feel like i have to keep filling in the blanks.
d: probably because in SAT prep they tell you to fill in everything even if its wrong. they drill that into you, you know.
:: oh come on.
): fuck you.
You've been totally Bzoink*d!
Take This Survey | Search Surveys | Create a Survey
Feeling: boredbored
Hearing: screaming infidelities-dc
22 February 2012 @ 09:18 pm
I've had something on my mind the past few days. I talked to Mark about it a bit, because I felt I had to, but the truth is that he doesn't understand and I cant make him, because he wasn't there. And that's ok.
It occurred to me that my life now is what I want it to be...or at least very close. i feel like I'm forgetting my past sometimes, but maybe I'm just finally letting go of it. We keep these scars from our earlier days, but they need not define us.
I guess that's my whole thought.
Certain people, people that made up my existence...they don't define me anymore.
The other night I heard this song on the radio, and I was singing along. I mean, really belting it out.
And its probably the best I can do at finding words for my feelings.

"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life"
Feeling: okayokay
Hearing: scars-papa roach
03 January 2012 @ 06:56 pm
As usual, I present my 2011 list of funny things people say. Its not very long, because, quite frankly, there's alot more happening in my life these days, and I don't have time to take note of every funny thing. The writer in me is hoping to have a resolution this year to pay more attention to these hilarious moments, but since new year's resolutions rarely take form, don't count on it. Alas, here we are:

While watching opening credits and seeing the name Andrew Garfield:
Me: Wasn’t he a president?
Mom: That was John Garfield.
Dad: No, it wasn’t.
Me: Oh, it was James Garfield.
Mom: John Garfield was the actor.
Me: No, Andrew Garfield is the actor.
Dad: “Just” Garfield is a cat.

Becca: I think I'm going to quit school and become a stripper instead.
Me: that's a valid lifestyle choice. and you would make more money. but you would also always have glitter in your eye.
Becca: Damn. I hate that...
Me: it’s in that way that stripping and teaching kindergarten are similar.
Becca: I could be a glitter free stripper. More men would go for that...less evidence to get rid of.
Me: i don’t know that those exist.
Becca: I'm a trendsetter.
Me: you would also always smell like cheap cologne and shame.

Matt: Cmon, we’re in mixed company.
Aaron: Brigid is not mixed company! She hears this stuff everyday.
Me: This is true.
Bryan: You might as well get a dick.
Matt: No, she already has balls, I don’t need her to have a dick, too!

Jake: I got to buy my girlfriend dinner today!
Bryan: What did you get her?
Jake: A cheeseburger.

Jen: Ok, see you later Mark…nice to meet you, Brigid.
Mark: Ok, bye guys.
Marissa: Mark, is Brigid your girlfriend?
Mark: Yes.
Marissa: What about Laura?
(Awkward silence.)
Mark: Ok, bye guys.

Bryan: Why can’t we do The Wiz with an all white cast? C’mon…ease on down that road!

Me: Oh, btw...speaking of felons and people we went to high school with...
Jaime: I love convos that start with these components.

Jaime: Remember when we were younger and used to hang out at bars on Saturday nights?
Me: Wait...it's a Saturday??

Me: Sorry, I’m a little angry today.
Jake: I hate when my pumpkin is angry…she turns into a scary Jack-O-Lantern!

Bryan: Hugs, not drugs!
Me: I’ll take the drugs.
Bryan: Sorry, I only have hugs.
Me: I’d rather have the drugs.
Bryan: Then I guess we’re done here.

Me: He said he’d be a fire sign, fair skinned, with blonde or red hair.
Tilke: Oh my god, Aaron!!
Me: He also said he’d be sweet, kind, and caring…so no, probably not Aaron.

Mom: Call Mark and have him come over and do the dishes.
Me: Yeah, I’ll just call him on his invisible phone.
Dad: And then he can just beam himself right over.

Sahar: This was the best food day in a very long time.

Mark: Someone stole the cigarette can! Damn you, Kaisertown!

Me: *hack cough hack*
Mark: Don’t worry, you’re cough isn’t the most annoying sound on the block…we’ve got a goat across the street!!

Sharon: At least you always have insurance.
Kevin: What?!
Sharon: You’re covered under the VNA.
Kevin: You mean I could have been going to the ER all this time?! Do you know how many things I didn’t do because I thought I didn’t have health insurance?!?!

Me: I would make a fantastic lunch lady.

Me: Oh, fu—
Tyler: FUDGECICLES, Miss Birgid! Say fudgecicles!

Greg: Today’s card game is brought to you by the letter 5.

Mark: I streaked, you streaked, we all streaked. Let’s drop it.

Marissa: I don’t like him. I wish a squirrel would bite his face off.
Mark: Wow.
Marissa: I think I’ll draw a picture of it.

Mark: Well, I am a Republican...
Brigid: ::glare::
Mark: ...please don't leave me.

Brigid: I don't know that I care to attend my reunion.
Mark: So just write them and say "I'm not really living up to your standards this year, try me again for the 20th."
Feeling: boredbored
01 November 2011 @ 10:07 pm
Not seeing a shrink since June hasn't been a problem...until recently. Ive done well enough coping with things, and I can always talk to Mark.
He tells me I can talk to him about everything and has given me no reason not to believe so, yet I find myself missing Katie...who already knows everything, who can always ask the right questions, and who has all the bad days marked in her calendar.
I'm better. I know I am.
But the next couple months won't feel that way...it's bad memory season. And it's not like I don't try...I have left so much in the past, where it belongs. But not everything. Somethings I'm still working on.

Hm. Perhaps I'll write some poems.
08 October 2011 @ 02:25 pm
I've found that sometimes in relationships, things get hectic and you don't stop to really think about what you have.

Today is my boyfriend's birthday.
Last night, while I was at rehearsal, Mark planned on taking a bus downtown, then out to Lancaster to hang out with Jen and Billy, and possibly go to a party at his friend Ryan's. Then, on the bus, he saw a girl that kind of looked like me. She was with her boyfriend, and they were being kind of lovey-dovey. So he called me, and left a message saying that he was going to spot on Chippewa (where we had our first-first date...as opposed to our second-first date at Kabab and Curry, 7 years later.) Over the course of the next hour he called twice more, to tell me that he was there, and he wanted me to meet him because why would he want to spend the night before his birthday with anyone other than me? He said he didn't need parties and drinking and all that...he'd rather get a cup of coffee with me.

So I met him there...on Chippewa on a Friday night, which is a place I would not choose to go if hell itself were the other option. But for him, ok. I had a tea and a cupcake, and we watched skaters and slutty girls walk by and talked. Then we walked to the car, and I stopped and kissed him in the first spot he kissed me back on our first-first. Then we got food and went home.

Now, his actual birthday isn't going very well...he wanted to see his kids, but it doesn't look like that's happening. But he said last night that he was having a great birthday, so hopefully that's enough.

Anyway, the point of this is that I hope I always recognize those little moments that make all the hectic, crazy stuff worth it.
He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me.
Feeling: lovedloved
Hearing: some rap song mark is listening to.
Do you have a partner?: yup
What is her/his name?: mark
How did you meet?: i said something about the dogkisser at spot and he laughed, and then we started talking and he asked for my #. that was in 2003. we "re-met" 7 years later, when he imed me and said he was bored, and i said i was bored, and he said wanna go to the marina, and i said yes.
When did you meet?: july 10 2003
Do you remember a song that was popular at the time you first met?: boys of summer-the ataris
Do you have a special song?: we dont have a particular song...lots of songs that remind us of each other tho
Do you have a special movie?: the other guys
What is the age gap between both of you?: 9 months
Do you like being older/younger?: Its not enough to make any difference.
Do you know his birth date?: 10/8/82
Do you know where he was born?: Detroit, MI
Is he a star sign that you are compatible with?: totally...apparently libras and geminis are one of the best matches.
Does he have annoying habits?: well he thinks clowns are cool, and that annoy the hell out of me
Have you told them about their annoying habit?: yeah
Does he snore?: he used to but not so much now...talks in his sleep sometimes
Do they hog the bed?: sometimes
Do you have similar interests?: many
Do you have similar tastes in music?: when it comes to older stuff, yeah, but he likes screamy stuff that i dont. otherwise its mostly similar.
Do you have kids?: no. but he does.
Do you know what your partner is doing now?: showering.
When did you last have a fight?: dont remember. we dont often fight....we "disagree."
When did you last kiss?: like 30 min ago
When did you last hug?: last night
What colour are their eyes?: Brown
What colour is their hair?: brown
What do you think their best asset is, physically?: eyes, and arms. even with the clown tattoo.
What is their worst asset, physically?: i dont think he has one...of course, i still think he looks like joshua jackson, so thats fine by me (i feel i should note that when i did this survey the first time, i put that he was too skinny!)
Do you know their favorite song?: he has many favorite songs
Do you know their favorite movie?: talledega nights
Do you know their favorite book?: roses are red
Do you get along with their parents?: ive yet to meet his mother...will probably not meet his father. i get along with his sisters tho
Do you know what really annoys them?: a few things
If yes, have you ever done it to annoy them?: probably
Do you know the name of their last partner?: laura
Do they ever talk about them?: often. but they have 4 kids so it would be weird if he didnt.
How do they feel about your last partner?: fine.
What is the best thing they have ever done for you?: helped me through the pain of quitting the theater
What is the best thing you have done for them?: helped him through the pain of being homeless
What is your favorite thing to do together?: swim, go for walks, hang out with friends, eat cheese
Where is your favorite place to go together?: swimming hole, random creeks and such, spot, chinese buffets, allegheny
If they are employed what do they do?: makes no-flat tires at rodgard
What is their favorite food?: lasagna
Do you have pet names?: babe, dear, love
What was it about them that made you fall for them?: If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I. ~Michel de Montaigne
Sitting: marys house
Feeling: lovedloved
So as it turns out, my past hypothesis was correct. Having a boyfriend does not, in fact, make me hate Valentine's day less. I'm pretty pleased to find this to be true. I still want to get drunk, binge on sugar, and watch slasher movies.
Now, my boyfriend is out of town...so that makes me hate it more than usual. But still, if he were here, I'm pretty sure our evening would consist of eating at a moderately priced restaurant with fast service and watching a Will Ferrel movie on the couch. But since we also call that "Saturday," it's not like it would be a big deal. I would, of course, insist on a present of some kind. But that has more to do with me liking shiny things than anything else.
Alas, no, it's another wine-and-ice cream vday for me...but that's fine, as it's what I'm used to.

Of course, I will take a moment to send love and good vibes to all the non-sucky men in my life: Steve, David, Rob, Rick, Lillis, Matt, Nicki, Jim, Brad, Jake, John, Dennis, and Mike, I love you dearly and Happy Valentines Day.

And my Markus...IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.
Feeling: lovedloved